He is Jealous for Me

Can you imagine what it feels like to have your internal organs ripped out of you? Imagine what it must be like to undergo open heart surgery while you’re conscious. Fathom the excruciating, agonizing, tormenting pain you would experience. That’s the sort of pain I just experienced spiritually.

This morning I rose early to spend time with Jesus. I just basked in His presence and petitioned for myself and some people who I care about. I had no idea that after I got up from prayer that He would test my dedication to Him. It’s one thing to tell God you love Him, but it’s another to live like you love Him. God ultimately adores sacrifice and an obedient heart.

I’ve been going about my day, happily enjoying this time away from school…when the Lord whispers an instruction in my ear. My face literally looked something like this: O_O. God, you want me to do THAT?! Why, of course He does because that THING is the THING that keeps me separated from Him. That THING is the THING that keeps me stagnant in my faith. That THING is the THING that sometimes draws my attention away from God. Therefore, that THING is the THING that God hates. Today, He handed me a sword and instructed me to cut the giant’s head off. Can I be honest with you?

I hesitated.

The pressure was ON!

Suddenly I felt this extreme pressure. It was as if someone had literally dropped a refrigerator on my chest. I knew it was God, because no other One would ask me to do something so painful to my flesh. So excruciatingly painful. I battled for a few moments with this thing.

Should I really do this or should I keep this idol erect in my life?

God, can’t I just do it later?

I’m not sure if I’m ready for such a test like this.

God, this is too much too SOON! 

The pressure grew and grew and I could not handle it. I started imagining what would happen if I chose my idol over my God. What damage could that do to my relationship with Him? I had that infamous moment of questioning the devil, “So what’s going to happen in the morning after we’re done here?”

My idol was a security blanket. It took the place of God in my heart. It gave me comfort and it kept me running back to IT rather than to the Lord my God. God finally said it was time to STOP! Time to let it go. He’s ready to take me someplace I’ve never been…and in order for me to go there I have to trust Him completely. I think it’s tragic how willing we are to trust God in some areas, but not ALL areas of our lives. I’ve heard many people say, “I trust God except when it comes to getting a man,” or “I trust God except when it comes to my money.” The reality we must all come to is that God wants us to trust Him in every single aspect of our lives. He wants to be included–NO! He wants to be the HEAD of your life and mine! We can’t continue to say we love Him with our mouths, yet cling to our idols in our hearts. He’s jealous and He wants us–every last morsel that is available to Him.

When I thought about it like that there was no other option. I cut my idol down at the ROOT! I did exactly as He asked of me and as soon as I did that pressure was ripped away from me. It was a painful relief. Yes, it felt great to be lifted, but I still felt the pain of the removal. I immediately began to tear up because I know that my idol was attempting to fill a void that ONLY God can fill.

Here I am with this open gash in my soul and it’s bleeding. But I’m finally ready to let the Healer mend the hole in me.

Watch this video and pay attention to the message. Decide today that you will trust Jesus.

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2 thoughts on “He is Jealous for Me

  1. Wow, Jeida! This is an amazing testimony of faith. I felt so much joy for you when I was reading this. This really encourages me when it comes to trusting Jesus. It’s easy to keep that idol around, or even question if you were hearing from the Lord in the first place. With every act of obedience, you are growing. Keep feeding your spirit with truth so that void will filled with the right things…there’s nothing worse than an infected wound.

    • Thank you so much, Cam!!! Indeed I do feel a change. I know God is calling me to a higher place and I’m ready and ANXIOUS for this transition. In fact, I just realized something else that may very well be another blog post! God is up to something fishy!!!!!!

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