It was at a point of brokenness, heartbreak, and frustration with myself and painful situations that I prayed the scariest prayer to ever leave my lips.
Lord, if he isn’t the man I will marry, then don’t bring him into my life.
Sounds harmless, right? Wrong. I wasn’t mindful that I serve a jealous God who loves me more than my mind can comprehend. I wasn’t thinking about God as my Father who would do absolutely anything to protect my heart from intruders and invaders. I believe He was eager to answer this prayer because in about two years not a single man has tried to win my heart.
Photo Credit: Glenda Ortero (glendali), royalty-free
I didn’t know that the answer to the prayer would mean:
– lonely weekends void of dates (Scandal re-runs and Words with Friends, anyone?)
– battling insecurities and self-doubting thoughts of inadequacy (Am I good enough?)
– nearly no male companionship (Hey, boys, remember me?)
– struggling with jealousy (I want to be happy for her, but when will I get my chance?)
I don’t think I realized what I was asking for when I made such a serious request. As time had gone by (and still no one on my doorstep with flowers), I had progressively retracted my trust in God and foolishly whined and complained to Him. How silly am I! Who would point their finger at God and complain about the very thing they prayed for?
How dare you answer my prayer, God? You knew I didn’t mean it.
The amazing faithfulness of God blows my mind because He answered a prayer that hurt my pride and heightened my weaknesses, but He’s doing it for my good. Had I not had these moments of solitude, I would never be in the place of learning and valuing dependence on Him. I am remembering and embracing the fact that I need to be single. It’s in my total singleness that God is perfecting me, shaping me, refining me, and making me whole. Is it for a husband? No. It’s for Him! And if a lifelong partner happens for me in the future, then he will get the benefit of all God is working in me right this moment.
So, the bitterness, jealousy and insecurities are vanishing into thin air by the grace of God. My grievances have been turned into thanksgiving. I am thankful that God was eager to answer my heart’s prayer (this process is torture to my flesh, but my heart is ever grateful) because He knows what it cannot handle. I am thankful that even when my heart ached from loneliness, I was protected from heart aches from unhealthy relationships. I am thankful that when no one is calling my phone or asking me out, I have a God who longs to spend every waking moment with me. He is diligent and steadfast in His love. All the love I need to be whole flows from Him.
It was the scariest request I have ever prayed, but now I am bursting with joy and hope. I am loved. I am never forgotten. I am protected. I am kept. I have a God who goes to war for my heart with more strength and intentionality than a girl could hope for in ten thousand warriors. And He is holding my life and my future in His hands.
Leave a comment & join the discussion! What is the scariest thing you have asked God? Was the answer what you expected?
Destiny Collisions 
“It’s in my total singleness that God is perfecting me, shaping me, refining me, and making me whole. Is it for a husband? No. It’s for Him! And if a lifelong partner happens for me in the future, then he will get the benefit of all God is working in me right this moment.” Soooo good. I love when you pour your heart out in these posts. God so going a mighty work in you because you are His bride. You’re phenomenal and a blessing to us all. I love you!
Brittany,
That line was birthed from my closet… I’m amazed at the things that happen when I get with God by myself. Thank you so much for your kind words and for taking the time to comment (you know how much that means to me!). I love you, too.
Jeida
Wow … If this didnt hit home knocking on my front door ! I prayed the same prayer And felt the same way when all of a sudden my phone went cold,fb inbox empty etc and strangly I thought by praying that prayer somehow the fakes would fall off and the real men would come flooding in,but yes I get tired watching re-runs on the weekends as everyone update they social media post speaking of how they are out and about with him/her but it feels good to know that God is a protective father and he rather me have a few weekends at home then a hour wasted with the wrong one … I’m just floored by this post and so blessed to have seen this
Porshia,
Yes! That is exactly how I felt.I had no idea how lonely it would be, but I know it’s for the best. I had your same sentiments: that the “real men” would be beating my door down. Wrong again. Presumption sets us all up to fall. My mentor told me she prayed the same thing and that God honored her. The next man who actively pursued her was, indeed, her husband. So, be encouraged in the waiting. It’s the precious seasons like these when Jesus reveals Himself to us more and more.
Thank you for always supporting me and Destiny Collisions. You’re a faithful reader. I pray all is well with you. 🙂
With love & affection,
Jeida
Amazing post! I have also reached this point in my life and have never been more at peace. Of course there are those nights and/or weekends that I wanted to be with a significant other but I remember asking God to protect me heart and He is doing so faithfully. This is such as inspiration and great reminder. Thank you for sharing.
Ashley,
Thank you so much for taking the time out to comment! It’s so great to see that I’m not alone in this singleness and waiting lifestyle. Sometimes it can be a lonely journey, but it has truly been fulfilling in so many ways. I could not have asked for a better season in which I can freely learn to love God and make personal corrections. There’s beauty in every season. Soon many of us will have the husbands we have prayed…and in the mean time, we all get God. Winning all the way around!
With love & affection,
Jeida
I must say the most dangerous prayee I have uttered were, “God make me into a man. A godly man.” I honestly do not know what I was thinking, but the trials and battles that come to equip me will forever be remembered. I LOVE the transparency here sis. It has sparked me to write a blog myself. Keep up the good work! Your a inspiration to many!
I’m so glad, mike! Did you write that blog? I’d love to read it.
Hey sis, I didn’t write that blog I don’t think lol. Maybe one day
I’ll be looking forward to more posts (any posts!) from you. Keep writing!
Ahhhh shucks Jeida…Making me feel like a developing writer and mess…
Powerful stuff right here. Indeed, all things work together for the good of them that love Him. Even when it seems so painful, He knows just what He’s doing. It all works out for our ultimate good.
Amen! Yes, it does. It is all a matter of trusting His judgment and knowing He would never do anything that doesn’t bring Himself glory or work for our good.
What has been the most difficult thing you’ve asked God to do?
With love & affection,
Jeida
Hmm, it’s just about the same thing as yours.
Amazing post sis! This started my Saturday morning off just right! I can relate to EVERY word as I have NEVER been I’m a relationship.I also serve as a fellow FIRM believer of the benefits of the very prayer that inspired this post.I am truly content and grateful that God loves and cares about us enough to meticulously plan the details of our lives! Waiting on him may not be the easiest task,but it is by far the best thing for us to do and the blessings that will manifest are beyond compare! Love you sis,thanks so much for being a vessel and writing(and sharing) this amazing post.God bless you!
Yes, that is so true. Thank you for reading the blog. You’re such a joy.
With love & affection,
Jeida
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Thank you for this post and these comments, prayed the same pray to, after just being really drained by counterfeit relationships, it’s been nearly 2yrs of singleness, the longest time I’ve been single, don’t regret it cause I’d rather be protected and matured in Christ then waste my time in dead end relationships… yes it feels good to know that I’m not alone, thank you for the encouragement and your transparency
Tata,
Thank you for reading my blog! It means a lot to me. I’m glad you were able to find some encouragement through my brokenness and transparency. None of us have it together. Sometimes we get weary and impatient, but God is so, so, so faithful! It’s so overwhelming the way He patiently loves and courageously protects. Keep pressing on! Your waiting is not in vain.
~Jeida
Great post! Sending this to my friend who has prayed the exact same prayer!
Thank you so much! I pray your friend enjoyed it.
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